• I want to join Enablers Anonymous. Mostly because I would never have trouble getting a ride to the meetings.

 

• Why are there those On/Off locks and safety tabs on Windex bottles? Are there a lot of self-inflicted Windex deaths I’m not aware of? “Ohmigod, he’s dead!” … “Yes, but at least he’s not streaky.”

 

• Why isn’t there more rabbit to eat? And year or so ago, the missus and I went to Quebec City and ate our way through the city. (Once, you get through the concrete, there’s a soft center.) And the highlight on menu after menu was rabbit. But we come back to the states and it’s hard to come by. Even if you try to buy it in the store, it’s pretty damn expensive. So what’s up with that? As I understand these things, they’re not hard to raise. So why isn’t rabbit as commonplace as chicken. Although I’ll admit Bugs McNuggets might take a bit of getting used to. The only thing I can think of is that some profession has cornered the market and kept all the rabbits. Magicians, I’m looking at you.

 

• The first half of the first glass of beer is always the best. The first half of the glass itself is always the worst

 

• What’s up with layered clothing? Every picture I see in a men’s clothing ad has the guy wearing four shirts a vest and a jacket … with shorts. What weather system is any of this designed for? Are there places where it starts out subfreezing and ends up in the ‘90s? (I mean other than the old fridge I have in the garage for my beer and human heads.) I wish the fashion industry would just go back to reversible clothing. Hell, I already do it with my underwear.

 

• If I could get the turntable in my microwave to rotate in the other direction, will the food get colder?

 

• Speaking of that, the guy who game to clean up after the explosion told me that you can’t recharge your car battery in the microwave. Just thought I’d pass that along. They never teach practical things in school anymore.

 

• Why do we find the color green so desirable in vegetables yet so frightful in Martians?

 

• The most powerful force in the universe is the desire to throw a rolled up ball of aluminum foil at somebody’s head. I wish it were different, but it’s not. On a related matter, I’d like to formally apologize to the Pope. You have to admit, it was a good shot from that distance.

 

• Speaking of throwing things. The Mens Room at my office down at the newspaper has a trash can that sits by the door. It’s opening at the top is roughly 3 feet x 3 feet. Yet, at any given moment, there are a half dozen crumpled paper towels lying on the floor right next to it. That means people are missing a gaping hole from a distance of, oh, say a foot. There is no explanation for this I can think of other than the fact that the Mens Room on the Mezzanine at The Philadelphia Inquirer must be the Official Mens Bathroom of the Memphis Grizzlies.

 

• I realized that my body is like an ipod battery. I top it off with a few hours of sleep but that just wrecks its effectiveness. So I run it all down on Friday and Saturday night and recharge it fully on Sunday. Now if I could just stop my legs from getting tangled.

 

• People say I’m anal retentive but I couldn’t disagree more. Mostly because the word ‘anal’ has four words and ‘retentive’ has 9 and those two numbers just don’t balance out.

 

That’s it for now. My head feels a lot cleaner.

 

By the by, if you’re on Facebook, friend me. I put a lot of stuff up there from time too time. Gives you something to make fun of.

 

Till later .... stay Loose.