Pondering As We Go Into 2010
Believe it or not, this is one of the handful of days of the year when all my obligations are fulfilled and I get to ponder things so you don’t have to. Thought I’d share some of them with you.
• I can’t find a single Mayan calendar. I mean I can find calendars, but none of them have pictures of Mayans on them. You think with how people are always talking about the Mayan calendar, I’d be able to find one.
• Would having a voting machine installed in my head be considered elective surgery?
• I saw a fabulous one-act play. But now that I think of it, maybe it was a 2,000-act play with just really really short intermissions.
• Is there a more stupid crime you could commit than robbing an exploding dye packet warehouse?
• I have a confession. I’ve been a cartoonist for over a decade now and I still don’t know when to call them cartoons and when to call them comics. I guess if you nailed me down (and if you’re in the CIA, no, that’s not an invitation) I would call them comics. But then wouldn’t that make me a comicist? You’d think there’d be some sort of panel who would decide these things.
• Went to the movies this week. Woman next to me let out a high-pitched clipped ‘Hmmm’ every time the scene changed or somebody said anything. Thank God she broke that up by taking a phone call in the middle of the movie. But it was okay, she covered her head with her coat and talked inside her tent. And maybe I overreacted when I duct taped it tight around her neck and left. So if you were wondering when self-awareness died in America, it was on December 26th, about an hour into the movie Up In The Air.
• I’m taking singing lessons. Really. Of course I really can’t hear what my own voice sounds like so it’s a bit like taking driving lessons in the pitch dark. But Santa got me this cool little recording module and microphone so now I can make recordings and make progress. And by ‘make progress’ I mean I’m now selling recordings you can use to scare geese away from ponds.
• Every time the ball drops on New Years Eve, I picture a guy on the other side of the building holding a rope and getting yanked high up in the air.
• At the factory where they make the Caps Lock Buttons for computers, do all their emails make it look like they’re shouting? (I like this thought so much, it will soon be a Loose Parts coming to a newspaper near you.)
• Do people who like comics realize the best thing they can do is to take five minutes – five minutes – and send an email to their newspaper and brag on a comic. You’d be amazed how few emails it takes to change an editor’s mind. And even if you read a comic online, get it in your newspaper. They pay. And there’s something cool about seeing a comic on newsprint, too. So as soon as you’re done here, you’re going to do what?
• I’m thinking of starting my own college bowl game. Why? Because as far as I can tell, everyone else has one and I’m behind the curve.
• If I told my insurance guy a tree grew up through my floor snagging lights and junk along the way, do you think I can cover the cost of my Christmas tree with my homeowner’s insurance.
• Speaking of which, my daughter’s computer was stolen. I called to see if my homeowner’s insurance covered it. It did after a $1,000 deductible. Okay, good enough, I’d at least get $250. Except they told me it’s a surchargeable claim and my premium would go up $100 a year for three years. So the way my insurance operates, it’ll cost me $300 to get $250 back. And people wonder where I get my idea for my cartoons.
• Just for the record, you CAN clear snow from your driveway with a vacuum cleaner man, will you spend some money on bags.
That’s it for now. Back to pondering. Till next time ... stay Loose.
dave
My Blog
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
